3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
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