last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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