____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
