i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize