i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
of course. lets lasso hookers.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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