I met the friendliest cop last night
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
