the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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