i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Randomize
