Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize