Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
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