I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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