saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Randomize
