I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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