Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
