I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Randomize
