there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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