I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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