There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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