The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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