I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
