I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Randomize
