He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Congratulations! We have a period
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
