One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Randomize
