Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
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