hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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