my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
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