beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
