I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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