Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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