you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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