Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Even my vagina gasped.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
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Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
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I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
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