The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
