I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
