I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
