it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
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Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
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Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
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