I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
