He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
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