I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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