I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Randomize
