thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
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I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
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You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
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