i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
