I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Randomize
