Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Randomize
