You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
