Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
