he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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