Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize