i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
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My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
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I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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