she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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