Have you finally orgasmed yet?
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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