FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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