Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
