We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
