is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
