my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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