i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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