She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
