i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
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I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
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No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
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