The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
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