We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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