booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
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