just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Randomize
