im gay
i know
yea but for you.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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