I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Randomize
