Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
