He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Randomize
