i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
did i walk over a car last night?
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
