Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Randomize
