Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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