walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
