I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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