Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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