my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
