You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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