Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
