I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
