So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
You smell like stripper and shame
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
