i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
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