i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
