yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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