You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize
