my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
ok first of all what the fuck
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
