I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
