just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
