Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
