i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
