Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
