Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
