we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Damn victory sex feels great
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize